Getting to Know You

Today I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory questionnaire for kicks, and apparently I am classified as having an ESTP personality type. I found a description of what this means on the Perdue University webpage, and it fits so well I thought I would share it with all of you! I even had Christopher read through it, just to be sure I wasn't falsely trusting in the characterization, and he gave it a big thumbs up. Here you go! Oh, and if you happen to take the test after reading this, please let me know what your results were; it'll be like a fun game!

ESTP Personality

ESTP are men and women of action. When someone of this personality is present, things begin to happen. The lights come on, the music plays, and the game begins. And a game it is for the ESTP, the outstanding entrepreneur, the international diplomat, the conciliator, and the negotiator par excellence. Approximately 13 percent of the general population are of this extraverted, sensing, thinking, and perceiving type. And if only one adjective could be used to describe ESTPs – resourceful – would be an apt choice.

Life is never dull around ESTPs. Their attractive, friendly style has a theatrical flourish which makes even the most routine, mundane event seem exciting. ESTPs usually known the location of the best restaurants, and headwaiters are likely to call them by name. ESTPs are socially sophisticated, suave, and urbane and are master manipulators of the external environment.

ESTPs are uncanny at observing people’s motivations, somehow hypersensitive to minimal nonverbal cues, which other types might miss. And they are masters at using these observations to “sell” the “client.” The eye of the ESTP is ever on the eye of the beholder, and all actions are directed toward this audience. Witty, clever, and fun, ESTPs seem to possess an unusual amount of empathy, when in fact this is not the case; rather, they are so acutely aware of minimal signals from others that they are usually several jumps ahead in anticipation of another’s position. And ESTPs can use information gained to the ends they have in mind – apparently with nerves of steel, engaging in what seems to others to be suicidal brinksmanship. Other types may find this exhausting, but ESTPs are exhilarated by working close to the edge of disaster. ESTPs are ruthless pragmatists and often offer the ends as justification for whatever means they see as necessary – regrettable, perhaps, but necessary. Usually, however, ESTPs do not care to justify actions, but prefer instead to get on to the next action.

ESTP Career

ESTP’s are outstanding as initiators of enterprises that bring people together to negotiate. They make invaluable itinerant administrators who can pull troubled companies or institutions out of the red very quickly, and with style! They can sell an idea or project in a way no other type can, but won’t follow through on the tedious administrative details of a project. This characteristic often causes ESTP’s to be unappreciated for the extraordinary talents they have, for people lose sight of the idea contributed and focus on the details left undone, becoming critical of ESTPs’ weaknesses rather than appreciating their strength. Few enterprises, which are institutionally, based use ESTPs as they should be used. When they strike out on their own, however, they do not always succeed, for their unwillingness to bother with follow-up details may cause an otherwise excellent project to fail. ESTPs need to be sure they have someone who will, take care of follow-up if at all possible.

ESTP Home

ESTPs live in the immediate moment and as mates lend excitement – and unpredictability – to the relationship. The ESTP mate is usually extremely attentive in public and smooth in social rituals. They carry on amusing repartee, and laughter surrounds them as they recount from their endless supply of clever jokes and stories. Charm radiates from ESTPs. Nothing is too good for their friends, although family responsibilities may, at times, be given second priority. The ESTP’s mate may in time come to feel like an object – the female a chattel and the male a negotiable commodity. Deep commitments do not always occur in the lives of ESTPs, although they are always popular and know many, many people by name. Relationships usually are conditional, and the condition is the consideration of what the ESTP has to gain from the relationship. Anything gained, however, is shared freely and generously with the mate. The unexpected gift, the impulsive trip to Paris, the extravagant surprise at Christmas – all these an

ESTP brings to a mate.

Fun, excitement, laughter, and that element of unpredictability are characteristic of their relationship. The ESTPs have a low tolerance for anxiety and are apt to avoid or leave situations that are consistently filled with interpersonal tensions. ESTPs are usually somewhat of a mystery to their mates and to others. Few people comprehend this unique personality. ESTPs themselves understand well the maxim, “He who travels fastest, travels alone.” Still, ESTPs are not likely to be lonely for long. ESTPs meet life with a hearty appetite for the good things of the world, searching out excitement, perhaps as a warrior, an athlete, an adventurer, or as a professional gambler, but always seeking the thrill of courting Lady Luck in one fashion or another. A theme of seeking excitement through taking of risks runs through the lives of ESTP.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Whenever Christopher and I engage in a dispute, there's always a central theme that arises.  It's the same one every time.  We'll be arguing, and inevitably he'll say something like "Lindsey, we're not Dan and Roseanne" or "This isn't TV; I'm not going to follow whatever script is in your head." On multiple levels these comments fascinate me, founded or not.

Over the past two weeks, I've been assisting with a social psychology course (acting as teaching assistant, that is), and last week someone brought up the concept of TV characters acting as a sort of pretend group of friends or family members.  It made me chuckle a bit, because that is exactly the sort of thing Chris is always talking about: our imaginary TV friends. This, of course, spurred a whole classroom debate on how television effects the way in which we engage in interpersonal relationships, cope with issues like loneliness, and compare ourselves to unattainable standards like those shown in family sitcoms (e.g., the 'middle class' family living in a five bedroom, four bathroom home within a safe, suburban neighborhood). At the end of the class, I found my self wondering if Christopher wasn't on to something.

In many ways, my parents' relationship has always mimicked a sort of 'Dan and Roseanne', 'Tim and Jill' dynamic.  In fact, whenever I feel homesick I pop in an episode of "Home Improvement" (yes, I own it.  Don't mock!). Conversely, my favorite shows, or the ones I relate to the most, are "Gilmore Girls" and "Ally McBeal", both of which star a female character who has many fun, cute quirks, is intelligent and imaginative, and talks at lightning speed. I wonder, thinking about these traits, whether I like these characters because they remind me of myself, or if I've inadvertently modeled myself after them. Likewise, have I been conducting my marriage based on the lessons I learned from watching my parents, or on the television counterparts I compare them to?  I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of the "Twilight Zone" or something.  GAH!  I did it again!!!

I have no poignant thoughts or words of advice on this issue.  Actually, I probably need the advice this time around, truthfully speaking.  Is the solution to stop watching TV?  Is merely being aware of the issue enough to curb these negative, mimicking behaviors?  Interesting questions, indeed.  If you think of a good solution let me know.  I'm going to go watch some "West Wing".

Magic Man

My Grandpa Fred died yesterday morning.  I keep trying to think of something awesome and profound to say about it, but really it's just sad.  He was a man of few words, but when he spoke it always seemed important.  When he smiled at me with pride my whole spirit lit up, because I knew that what I did meant something to him and that meant the world to me.  Most of what I learned about him through the years came in equal parts from other family members and from the subtleties in his body language and murmurs. I can't describe why in any tangible way, but I always just liked being around him; it made me feel special. My father gives off that same vibe, and I've always hoped that it was a trait I also inherited. The one thing I definitely got from my grandfather was his eyes.  People joke that I have the eyes of Renee Zellweger, but in reality I have the eyes of Fred Grimes through and through. I also got his nose and chin.

By the time I knew my grandfather his life was all about car repairs and orange groves, but I've heard stories about the crazy adventures, careers, and odd-ball career offers he had in his younger days.  Like, apparently he was approached by the executives of Burger King back when the chain was just getting off the ground and they were practically giving away franchises.  The story goes, and I quote, my grandfather told them that "no one would ever buy a hamburger out when they can just make one at home."  Whoops!

I have always taken a lot of pride in my Florida roots, which may seem ironic considering how many posts I've devoted to my need to move three-thousand miles away from there.  If you've ever seen the movie "Away We Go" (which you should, because it's fabulous), the place they end up at in the end, the Huckleberry Finn childhood paradise, is what Grimes Road is like in Wauchula.  That's right, there's actually a street named after my family. It's just a simple dirt road, surrounded by orange groves and littered with the houses of every Grimes who has ever resided there.

When Great Grandma Grimes passed away at the ripe young age of 99 the road lost a little bit of its magic, but when Grandpa Fred packed up and moved across town a few years ago much of the charm was lost forever.  Now, with his death, it seems as though my Florida heritage has died as well.  Most of the elders are gone now, most of the groves have been sold or destroyed, and many of the younger family members have moved to bigger cities. It seems strange to say it, but I'm really going to miss having a reason to visit Wauchula.  Honestly, Orlando is nothing compared to the simple beauty of rural Florida. I will truly miss my grandfather, and everything his home meant to me.

Secret Garden

Well, it's 12:50pm and I've been awake for hours now.  This may not seem like a big deal to my followers in Malaysia, but for anyone who knows me this marks a significant change in my normal routine.  Historically, I have not been a "morning person."  Growing up, mornings always came far too soon and were undoubtedly marked by a lot of tired groaning, yelling, and my mother ripping the sheets off of my bed in order to shock me awake.  God, I hated that.  For the past few months, however, I have been learning to appreciate the quiet that comes from waking early.  Instead of snapping out of bed with just enough time to take a 15 minute shower, run a brush through my hair, and sprint to the bus stop, I now enjoy waking slowly, brewing a fresh carafe of coffee, reading the daily news (aka Facebook), and puttering around our garden.

That's right, folks.  We have a garden!

I've always wanted to be the kind of person who has a garden.  When I was younger I would imagine my future to be in a house with a wood burning stove, a vegetable garden, fruit trees of all sorts, three chickens to provide me fresh eggs, two goats to do my yard maintenance and provide milk for cheese, and one cow to, you know, do cow-stuff.  Clearly, I don't exactly have the proper mindset to be a great farmer.  I never thought I would actually grow my own food or cook what I sewed, but the day before yesterday I actually got a chance to pull a carrot (not yet ripe, mind you.  I'm still learning.) out of one of my pots, peel it, and eat it!  It was pretty friggin' magical.  There's a sort of odd liberation that comes from the knowledge that you have the power to control your own sustenance. It's one of the things I love most about living in Portland, and only adds to my pre-existing snootiness over ingredients and food quality.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a total chick when it comes to getting my hands dirty.  Once again, I count myself lucky for having found such a rugged manly-man to take care of the ickier things in life.  For instance, lately our brussels sprouts have been getting eaten alive by a colony of small, green caterpillars, which Christopher bravely picked off the plants one-by-one yesterday.  Sure, he then proceeded to dump the pile of caterpillars in our neighbors yard, but I won't tell if you don't. With any luck, our multitude of greens will survive the temporary infestation and produce hundreds of delicious sprouts for us to eat and trade for eggs around the neighborhood (all of our neighbors have chickens). Seriously, I know I live in the city but this is like my inner-country girl's dream come true!

Living in Portland has taught me many things about life, but the most important lesson so far, and certainly the most salient in today's message, has been the importance of finding ways to slow down and appreciate everything more.  If I weren't waking up early (well, earlier), I would miss out on the opportunity to experience the morning zen-sation of drinking my coffee and tending to my garden. I am especially looking forward to practicing my new morning-person-ness in the wintertime this year, when the sun goes down at 4:30pm.  Believe me, when you wake up at noon and are only able to really enjoy two or three hours of sunlight per day, the joy of sleeping in hardly seems worth it.  Sure, there's a certain amount of internal stigma that I associate with going to bed at 10:00pm and waking up at 7:00am (old lady much?), but I feel like I'm finally starting to get it.  Well, most of the time at least.

Hot For Teacher

Life is a process of constantly learning.  I am continually reminded of this fact as I grow and evolve.  I feel like I'm always discovering and rediscovering how to love, how to be appreciative, how to listen, and how to express myself.  There are certain factors in our lives - triggers - that force us to re-evaluate who we are. Often times these are attributed to love and loss, money and poverty... You know, all the really important moments that we struggle with from year to year.  Lord knows I've spent plenty of time trying to "find" myself in multiple states, jobs, boyfriends, and vacations.  I suppose even this blog could be defined as a means for me to continue on my journey of self-discovery and emotional competence.

More so than anything else, my marriage has been the thing that has kept me constantly guessing about myself. There's something about being connected to someone for the rest of your life, and making that commitment to him and to yourself that forces you to adopt a perspective which necessitates adaptability in a way that you never thought yourself capable of. No fight will ever be so big that he and I won't work it out, because we've made a promise to each other to stay together and be happy with that decision. Love is not enough to keep a couple together, but it is the key ingredient to making that joined life totally awesome and undeniably worth it.

Marriage is a funny thing in that it forces you to be more introspective, and having a spouse is in some ways like having a mirror that reflects yourself in all of your best and worst ways so that you are made hyper aware of both your good qualities and those which you would rather turn a blind eye to.  This, of course, can be interpreted as a blessing and a curse, although I must say I rather enjoy it.  I will never know myself better than Christopher knows me, and that both horrifies me and makes me extremely grateful that I will have him in my life.

In case you were wondering how my blog got its title, this is it.  Here's to forever.

Same Old Lang Syne

I'm not the sort of person who makes New Year's resolutions.  For one, I think New Year's Eve/Day is a silly holiday meant only to mark the arbitrary passing of time with copious amounts of alcohol and bad decisions.  Second, I believe that resolutions are merely goals which can, and should, be made and followed at any point through out the year.  In fact, I find that I am more likely to stick to my guns when I set resolutions at times that are appropriate for myself rather than designated by societal pressures.  That being said, I have reached yet another point in my life where I feel a distinct need to redefine my priorities and set new goals for my future.

After years of hard work and months of anticipation, I have officially been accepted to the social psychology PhD program at Portland State University!  This achievement was in no small part a direct result of support from many people, to whom I owe a great deal of respect and gratitude.  And it is for them, myself, my family, and my friends that I have an intense desire and need to excel in both my field of study and my life over the next four to five years.  As such, I have developed the following goals (in no specific order):

1. Exercise more often: This may seem like a pretty typical resolution, but, aside from my daily .5 mile sprint to the bus stop, I have been extremely lax (stop laughing, Christopher) in my exercise routine over the past two years.  To say that I never have the time would be something of an overstatement, as my current daily de-stress program involves watching reruns of guilty-pleasure TV shows. PSU has a fantastic gym that I haven't even stepped foot in yet, and that is going to change.  At the very least, I need to devote one hour per day toward physical activity to clear my head and help me stay focused.  I know I can do it, too.  When Chris first got together I was literally 20 pounds lighter and spent hours each day doing resistance training and cardio, and I felt fantastic!  That's not to say that my ultimate goal is to lose weight.  I mean, who am I kidding?  I was also 24 when he and I met, and genetics and time are no longer on my side.  I mostly just want to maintain and/or improve my health and well-being.
2. Read at least one book per month that has nothing to do with school: This resolution is tricky, but necessary.  As it currently stands, I've only read one book in the last six months that had nothing to do with psychology, and even it was an assignment for another class.  I need to stretch out my mind, give myself a break from technical reading/writing, and allow myself to become consumed in literature again.  Obviously, part of this resolution (well, all of them really) comes down to cutting some "me" time into my days, and not allowing myself to maintain my current routine of school-work-Chris-TV-sleep.
3. Call friends and family more often: As I become immersed in school work, I have a severe tendency to put my loved ones on the back-burner.  I'm sure I'm not alone in this trend, not that that excuses the behavior.  I allow calling people to become prioritized as a chore instead of a necessary break.  I'll admit it, I sometimes avoid phone calls just because I either 1) don't have time to talk, or 2) don't feel like I have anything worthwhile to say.  This behavior must stop!  As Lori would so eloquently put it, I need to stop putting myself into a self-imposed 'dark place.' People need people, and I have to start letting myself require human interaction. I'm positive that over the next few years I will have to lean on my family and friends more heavily than ever for support.
4. Let my hair grow long:  You may be thinking, "why in the heck is this a resolution?"  Well, the answer is simple.  I look and feel better when my hair is long, but I have total crap patience.  At every point between chin-length and just-below-the-shoulders my hair is going through some sort of awkward phase.  It is usually at one of these lengths that I lose my cool and chop it off again. As such, I have made a pact with myself: I will not cut the length of my hair until I finish my Master's degree in two years time.  Until then I can trim the layers and bangs, but I have to let it continuously grow.  Don't worry, with the speed at which my hair actually develops, it'll probably only be to the base of my shoulder blades by then and I'm sure it will look fabulous!
5. Write down at least one good and one mediocre idea per day: I realized when I began this course of study two years ago that I was continuously inspired by psychology.  Over that time, I have had hundreds of ideas for research, experiments, and studies. Unfortunately, I've only taken the time to write down and develop five or six of them.  This resolution, essentially, is a two parter.  Part one involved buying a small notebook that I can keep as sort of an "idea diary." Subsequently, part two is carrying said notebook with me everywhere and writing down every idea I have, whether it be for a research proposal, blog entry, outfit, new goal, or grocery list.  I need to start treating every idea as if it's gold, because even if I think they're total crap now, in two, five, or even ten years time I may look back and decide that one of them is worth pursuing.  I have seen the way that the intense environment of grad school can leave students feeling drained and unmotivated, and I am enthusiastically committed to not allowing that to happen to me. 

Honestly, looking at this list now I have to admit that it is not at all the direction I thought I would go with it (I've sort of been free-writing this whole time).  I thought that I was going to produce goals that involved studying hard and living up to my potential.  That being said, I'm really happy with what I've produced here.  Clearly my mind and body know what I need to succeed over the next important chunk of my life, which is good because I need every part of me working hard to get through this.  Doing well in grad school is obviously an important goal of mine, but I am looking way past that now.  I need to succeed there so that when I'm out I can get a great job that allows us to climb out of debt so that we can finally start a family of our own.  I am so ready for this!

Changes

I'm feeling squibby. That's right, I made up a word for my current state.  You may be wondering, "Lindsey, what does squibby mean?"  Well, I'll tell you.

Squibby (adj.) - unsettled, restless, not quite right.

It may be because I'm anxious about my graduate school application (I won't find out anything until April), or because I have some kind of horrific, disgusting cold that has seemingly transformed my nose into a waterfall, or even because I am not feeling spiritually satisfied by my courses this term... whatever the cause, I'm in desperate need of a change.  I'd even settle for a vacation.

... Actually, now that I think about it, I'd prefer a vacation.  I haven't really had one in the past two years, unless you count visiting Florida, which I don't.  I love my family and friends (for really realz, I do!), but the old adage is true: you can never really go home again.  There is always too much to do, too many friends and family to see, and not nearly enough time or energy to do it.  Someone always ends up with their feelings hurt, Chris and I leave feeling guilty and frustrated, and I inevitably come back to Portland sick and exhausted. 

Yes, I need a vacation.  I've declared it.  It's officially true.  This past Christmas, Christopher and I decided to skip giving each other gifts in order to save money to go on a weekend trip somewhere in the Northwest.  I think it's time to cash in on that deal.  Then, when I come back, I'll be my old self again - smiling, happy, positive, with sinuses that don't resemble the Hoover Dam.  Too much information?  Sorry, but we're all family here.

PS - My brother is fine.  The cancer was completely removed, and two specialists confirmed that he has only a 5% chance of recurrence.  Huzzah!  Thank you for all of your kind words and good juju!