Ain't No Sunshine

Okay, okay... I haven't posted anything in a long time.  I'm sorry!  I've never been one of those people who can keep a steady diary.  I haven't had that burning sensation to unleash my feelings in text since I was nineteen. In fact, that is the last time I had a consistent diary.  And thankfully for you, my dedicated blog audience, I hung on to that delightful piece of my past.  In traditional nineteen-year-old-just-graduated-high-school style, it is all about boys, friends, boyfriends, and "what the heck am I going to do with my life" passages.  Here are some of my favorite tidbits (those of you who knew me then might get a kick out of this):

January 13, 2001 - I don't think I've ever had so many guy-friends at one time, and not a decent boyfriend in the lot. I miss having a relationship.  I'm afraid that the more time I spend hanging out with boys and not kissing any of them, the less attractive I'm becoming as a girlfriend.  Ugh, I hate sounding lonely and desperate.

July 16, 2001 - Things I could do with my life: teacher (any level), movie critic, food critic, musician (singer), business manager, shop owner, party coordinator, caterer, artist, poet, or actress.  With a list like this, how am I ever going to decide?!

July 21, 2001 - Once upon a time, there was a girl who desperately wanted to leave the state she was born and raised in to pursue her education and start anew. Unfortunately, her mother strongly disagreed with the idea, calling it "stupid" and "unreasonable." So, the girl's dreams were crushed and she gave up all hope of ever discovering herself in the world.  The end.

August 11, 2001 - My birthday is three weeks from today!  I'll be 19!  Too old!  I'm not ready to grow up. The rest of my life scares me. I've decided to change my major to either music or art.

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In 2006, when I moved back from New York, I found this diary hiding in my old bedroom. It made me laugh to read all of my old dreams and ambitions (or lack thereof), and it was funny to think that I still had all of the same friends and feelings that I did five years prior. In September of 2006, I began writing in the diary again, and as I read those entries now (3+ years later) they remind me that keeping a journal is a wonderful way to store memories.  I wish that I could commit to writing in one again.  Maybe I will.

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September 22, 2006 - I have a date on Saturday night!  Can you believe it? It's the first time I've liked a guy in four years.  Or, rather, the first time I'm going on a real date in four years.  I've liked a few guys.  But I digress... His name is Christopher, and he's a 29 year old cameraman.  He has his own apartment, a job, and a cat. I think I might really like him, which is obvious because I'm breaking my "no dating until I move out of Florida" rule to go out with him. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.  My new rule is that I come first.  I am not allowed to abandon my life goals again for a guy, no matter what.

September 26, 2006 - I went on my second date with Chris last night, and it was fantastic.  I really like him.  It's hard not to fall too fast into this one.  He's so honest (albeit a little self-loathing), trustworthy, passionate, and intense.  Not to mention extremely sexy.  I think I am in way over my head here, and I'm enjoying every second of it.

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I totally need to start a new journal.  It's so fun walking down memory lane!  Thanks for letting me drag you alongside.  Sometimes it is fun to entertain company in Nostalgiaville.

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

Well, we have been back in Florida for two whole weeks now.  At this point, I have transitioned from confident Portlander to twitchy houseguest to full-blown Floridian again.  Portland seems like it was just a distant dream at this point, but, thankfully, it also retains a light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel aspect (much like it did before we moved there).

We are Borg.  We have been assimilated.  Resistance is futile.

More to come.

Rockin' Robin

To tweet or not to tweet, that is the question. More specifically, should I join Twitter?  I have heard all of the pros from my friends, and I am certainly aware of the popularity of this new internet communication sensation. The thing is, I just don't know if I really care enough to join.  This honestly wouldn't even be a concern if it weren't for the recent loss of my husband. He was my last standing fellow Twitter-hater.  All of a sudden, earlier this week, he announced that he was going to start up an account (Christopherpdx, for those of you interested in following him).

Truth be told, I am already far more technologically integrated than I had ever wanted to be. When I was younger, I used to dream of a life totally disconnected from all things technology related. I imagined myself living in a small cabin somewhere in the mountains of Virginia, cooking my dinners on a wooden stove and falling asleep by the light of a candle. I wanted my own garden and farm animals - not to eat, but to gather milk and eggs from - so that I could live off of the land. I pictured myself sitting on my front porch swing, listening to the sounds of a nearby stream, drinking my cup of coffee, and writing poetry. But most importantly, I didn't want to own a computer, pager (this was the 90s), cell phone, or newfangled car.

Of course, times have changed since then. Modern culture is so technologically reliant that the idea of "escaping" is no longer really an option.  In fact, it would take a great deal of effort to disconnect from the world. When I pictured the previously mentioned life for myself I was still in high school, and, ironically, I had been the first of my friends to even own a cell phone (the brick) and a car (my old, dead green Neon). I can still remember when my family first got AOL and I learned how to use chat rooms and emails. It makes me laugh that the same surveys my friends and I used to send to each other via email are still being sent around through Facebook and Myspace.

It's crazy to think of the advancements that have been made in computer-mediated communication within the past eight years. People are always thinking of newer, better, easier ways to talk to people and network. AOL dial-up was replaced by high-speed internet, which gave way to iChat, Myspace, Facebook, and now Twitter. I honestly can't think of anyone who still actively uses Myspace to communicate with people. And with all of these advancements in programs and chat avenues, we have been shortening our speech to the point where it is almost indecipherable. At least with letters, notes, and early emails we typed more than a paragraph to our friends and family... now everything comes in neat little packages of ten words or less. "Lindsey is dreading her test today." That's all you get. I don't need to tell you which test it is, for what class, or even whether or not I like the professor and think I'm doing well. And you know what?  I don't think people really want or need to know that extra information anymore. I tried entering a long explanation of my day into the Facebook comment box once, and it told me that I had to use less than 140 words to explain my thought.  God forbid I want to really tell my friends a detailed account of my day.  People's attention spans can't last more than 140 words anymore.  I know that, because the internet told me so.

All of this has been a roundabout, rant-heavy, description of why I am hesitant to start a Twitter account.  That being said, I am, as always, open to suggestion. If people really want me to join, and think that it is a good way for me to stay in touch with friends, then I will open an account.  However, I will NOT become one of those people (no offense meant if this describes you) who posts every single, insignificant detail of my daily life.  I know, I know... everyone is dying to know what I buy at the grocery store and whether or not my butt looks good in today's jean selection, but I'm going to need to keep those things private for a little while longer.  Maybe in nine more years we can re-negotiate that deal. Until then, let me know what you all think!  Also, if you think I SHOULD join (or if you just want to have fun), include suggestions for my hypothetical Twitter name.  Linzasaurus is the best I've come up with so far.

With a Little Help from my Friends

Well, it is official: our plane tickets are purchased, and we are coming to Florida for Christmas! I have to admit, I couldn't be more ready to return to Orlando and visit my family and friends. Don't get me wrong, I love living in Portland. In fact, I am incredibly sad that we will be leaving the mountains, snow, and fresh winter squash to return to the fire swamp. However, the one thing we don't have here - the thing that makes Christmas my favorite holiday - is the people that we love. So many exciting things have happened to our friends back home in the year since we relocated; people have moved (and moved in together in some cases), received promotions, found new jobs, become pregnant, and broken up. As much as I have grown fond of everyone's daily 'status updates' on Facebook, I miss being involved in the larger picture. As a southern girl, I am prone to being both nosey and gossipy, and I have been out of the loop for far too long now.

Speaking of friends, my best friend in the universe (excluding my husband, of course) is coming to visit Portland in three short weeks! Although she has visited here many times before, as one of her other friends moved here a few years ago, I am excited to show her my new city! Basically, I have two full days of play time with her, so I've been casually collecting a slew of ideas for things to do. I have been told (as if I needed to be) that the only necessary component is vodka, although I think a little holiday shopping is also in order. So far on the list I have:

The Sapphire Hotel for drinks, yummy eats, and awesome atmosphere
The Farm Cafe for the best happy hour, food, and ambiance in the city
New Deal Distillery for a vodka tour and tasting session
Presents of Mind for amazing cards, journals, and local jewelry/gifts
The Gold Door for kickass jewelry, gifts, and Dia de los Muertos figurines
Imelda's Shoes so that we can drool over boots that we won't be able to afford
The Buffalo Exchange for the BEST second-hand shopping in town (seriously, I bought two Gap sweaters there last week for a total of $20)

Okay, so basically this list will be supplemented with various other shopping and food adventures (maybe we'll hit up Por Que No for some delicious, homemade corn tortilla treats), but that's what I've got so far. It's kind of a 'welcome to my neighborhood' setup, which is fine with me. In my opinion southeast Portland is the best place to be! One of the days we may even venture out to Vancouver to visit, in my opinion, the best movie theatre in the country: Cinetopia. I mean, how often can you go to a theatre, relax in a huge, comfy leather chair, kick your feet up on an ottoman, and enjoy a glass of fine wine and a bowl of creme brulee? It's the haps!

So, aside from school and baby-sitting, my energy has pretty much been spent on thinking about friends, family, and festivities this week. I'm not sure what Christopher and I are doing for Thanksgiving, but I'm positive that it will involve a delicious vegan and gluten-free feast, including: creamy risotto, mac-n-squeeze, country-fried tofu, collard greens, and roasted garlic mashed potatoes. I promise to post as many recipes and pictures as possible.

You're the Inspiration

Inspirational quote of the day, as taken from an article written by America's first African American female political writer, Maria W. Stewart. The article was published in The Liberator, October 8, 1831:

"I am of strong opinion that the day on which we unite, heart and soul, and turn our attention to knowledge and improvement, that day the hissing and reproach among the nations of the earth against us will cease. And even those who now point at us with the finger of scorn, will aid and befriend us. It is of no use for us to sit with our hands folded, hanging our heads like bulrushes, lamenting our wretched condition; but let us make a mighty effort, and arise; and if no one will promote or respect us, let us promote and respect ourselves."

River

"It's comin' on Christmas. They're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer and singin' songs of joy and peace. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on."

I love Joni Mitchell. It's funny actually, because I couldn't stand her music for most of my life. In fact, it wasn't until I heard the song "Case of You" a couple of years ago that I really started to love her music. The quote above is from "River," which is not really a holiday song at all, but a song about pain and regret. Something about the way she places her emotion behind the lyrics, though... that's what really makes her music great.

The two videos that I've posted are of the same song, "Both Sides Now." What is interesting about this song is that she wrote and recorded it for one of her first albums, and then re-recorded it for her album in 2000. When you listen to the two versions, notice the differences in her emotion, tone, tempo, and key. Although the lyrics are the same, the mood of the song is almost 'wiser' in the later version, for lack of a better way of putting it. I think this comparison is a nice example of the differences between what we "know" at different points in our life, and how that affects us as people.

Fox in the Snow

Today's post is an excerpt from my favorite book, The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you. . ."
"Yes that is so", said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes that is so" said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses. "You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made a friend, and now he is unique in all the world." And the roses were very much embarrassed. "You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you -- the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is MY rose."
And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye" he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose-- "said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."