Young at Heart

I find that when it comes to listening to music, playing video games, or watching TV I tend to always rely on the old favorites, rather than taking a risk on new experiences.  One of the benefits of this, at least where TV is concerned, is that I get to grow with the shows and let them affect me in different ways.  Lately, I've been watching a lot of Ally McBeal.  

I used to watch this show every week with my Dad when I was in high school.  At 17, the characters (who are all nearing 30) embodied a lifestyle I didn't quite understand, although I knew I wanted to get there someday.  I liked the show mostly for it's utter ridiculousness.  The fantastical nature of Ally's hallucinations and Peter McNicol's wacky hijinks were (and still are) highly entertaining.  However, when Ally struggled with her birthdays and continuously inspected her face for wrinkles I could not at all relate.  Funny, but as a teenager it made perfect sense that she would be getting wrinkles.  I mean, 30 was OLD.  

Well, I just watched that episode again, the 30th birthday episode, and the reality of my age started to really set in.  I find that, in a way, I'm still watching the show from that 17 year old's perspective; Ally still looks old to me.  But she shouldn't anymore.  I am the age that she is in the show.  I'm turning 29!  I'm the same age that she was in the first season, and every episode when she complains about her age I now feel like David E. Kelley (the show's creator) is launching mini attacks on me and all of my friends.  How dare he make us seem like neurotic, age and beauty-obsessed, power-hungry wenches! 

So, yes, I'm turning 29 on Thursday.  And you know what?  I'm not inspecting my face for creases.  I'm not obsessed with men, weight, power, fashion, or money.  I feel younger than I did when I was 25 (God, I felt old and wise at 25), and I feel older than I did at 17.  It used to seem like life was speeding along, but since moving out here it seems like everything has somehow slowed down.  Maybe I slowed down and learned to appreciate everything more; I don't know.  It feels weird to watch my favorite shows and finally be the age of the characters in them, but it's also oddly comforting.  My life isn't dramatic. It's not understated either. It's just mine.  I don't need to go to my high school reunion to see how I stacked up on all of the meaningless, superficial scales.  I've succeeded.  I'm living my dream, and I found it in my own timeline.

When I was 17, I used to say that I couldn't wait until I was 30 because by 30 I would have it all figured out.  I've got to say, I don't think I was wrong at all.  Now I can't wait until I'm 50.  The other day I was talking to someone who told me this was the end of my twenties, and the last time I'd be able to admit my true age out loud. Trust me, I wanted to reach my hand through the phone and pop his head right off of his neck. I mean seriously, dude?!  SERIOUSLY?! How rude! Contrary to what society might think, I actually really love getting older and watching everyone around me do the same.  We're all so lucky to have every year that we get.  I've already outlived some of the people I've known and loved, and I've got a lot of time left until I reach my goal of 105.  Twenty nine is going to be awesome!